3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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