Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
