his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Randomize
