dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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