remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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