dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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