taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
