you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
