so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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