i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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