i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and she was petting her beer can
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
