What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
