yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
