Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
