Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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