Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
