i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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