3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
