I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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