Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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