I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
