i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
