If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
