Your face is a jimmy john
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
