ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Say something about gay babies.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
