I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
