So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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