Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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