When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
