Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i will never coherently bang her
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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