i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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