I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
