Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
