My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
me + whiskey = a bad person
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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