Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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