I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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