I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want nice things and good sex
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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