she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
