goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How does it feel to date your dad?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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