Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The best revenge is premature balding
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
