Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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