I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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