fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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