what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
