with your own penis?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
