i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
