Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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