hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
