Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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