mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
