2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
