i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
