honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Randomize
